I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
time to smoke my breakfast
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His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
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Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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