I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
