the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
