If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
