you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
