I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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