I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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