I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I believe in your delicious
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
