I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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