I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
