So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
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