ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
