Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
