Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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