I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just googled if crying burns calories
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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