I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
