I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
