I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
