I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
