Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
