If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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