Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
