Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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