i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
