There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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