highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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