You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
