Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
