I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
