just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
