nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
