my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
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she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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