Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
