you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
