he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
