so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
