stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The struggles of a small town man whore
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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