I love black thongs
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
