I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
