my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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