I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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