Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I cockslap morals
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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