She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
