So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
