in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
