I'm going to rape someone's good day.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
