Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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