Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
