Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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