bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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