Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
