So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
