i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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