Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
