The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
