maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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