During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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