If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
