He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
