I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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