tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
