I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
