I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
