girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
