So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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