So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
