I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
