he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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