I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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