six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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