The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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