I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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