Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
