dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
