I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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