I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
