i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
