Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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