Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
