haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
