Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
