did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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