Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
