Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
