When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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